Bachelor Australia Season 4 Episode 5

Bad Bachelorette Moms

Tonight’s episode was kind of a blogger’s dream. There was romance, silliness and just enough drama to make for a very entertaining hour. And amazingly, we barely heard from Keira at all!

Bring it on!

The girls are all dishevelled, having just woken up the morning after the last rose ceremony. They are wearing a variety of full winter PJs, tiny camisoles and cute sleep masks pushed up onto their foreheads.

(P.S. I hardly recognise Keira with her hair tied back. She looks lovely.)

OAG rocks up sporting a new haircut. It still appears like it wouldn’t move in a cyclone, but it’s shorter than before. He drops off the first date card and Faith snatches it up.

Let’s hit the city in style – Be ready in 15 minutes.

There’s a bit of speculation as to who this date will go to. Rachael thinks it’s her turn.

Oops. Sorry. It’s Alex.

This was Rachael’s face:

rachael

‘I’m starting to lose my patience,’ she half laughs, half whines at the camera.

Alex races off to get ready. There wasn’t as much backlash as I expected, seeing as she’s already had multiple mini one-on-ones thanks to her white rose. Alex talks about herself in the third person, saying she wants Richie to know the different sides of Alex. She puts on some cute white jeans with rips in the knees and a beige top.

Richie is looking super fancy as he arrives in a limo with a blue button up shirt and dark pants. He goes in to give Alex a bit of a hug, and it probably would have led into a make-out session if the other women hadn’t all come bounding out to say goodbye.

Nikki says the idea of seeing Alex flirt with Richie makes her feel funny. It’s called jealousy, honey, and it’s perfectly normal to feel that way about the guy you’re dating if you know he’s about to make out with another woman.

Richie and Alex take off to what I think is Bondi, and a Camilla boutique. Alex is savvy enough with fashion to actually know the Camilla brand, and gets super excited.

It’s then made clear that this is the season’s ‘Pretty Woman’ date.

Richie tells Alex she can pick out anything she wants, so Alex makes the appropriate appreciative noises and faces. She tries on various dresses, and Richie responds more perfectly than I would have thought any non-rom-com man was possible of doing. (But then this is ‘reality’ TV – so who knows if the producers told him what to say beforehand?)

And then the shop assistant has to go and ruin the moment by explaining how to style a maxi dress using the ‘undie tuck’ method. Honestly, I didn’t even know that was a thing until now, and it appears that Richie didn’t either. Cue the awkward giggling.

Back at the mansion, Georgia has the next invite.

Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

The girls get excited. Dirty Dancing is Kiki’s favourite movie! But then everyone figures that there’s already been a dancing date, so it might be something else.

This is called foreshadowing.

There are only four girls invited: Sasha, Kiki, Megan and… damn my weird TV reception. The screen freezes, but I can gather from the reaction shot thirty seconds later that the final name is Nikki’s.

Meanwhile on the date, Richie has taken to using the phrase ‘rose nest’ to describe his and Alex’s secret room in the mansion where they hang out whenever she invokes the white rose’s magic powers.

They have high tea at the Intercontinental at Double Bay, drinking cosmos and eating a mountain of tiny sandwiches and cakes.

Alex decides to bring up the whole ‘I’m a mum, so I need to know if that’s going to affect your final girlfriend picking decision’ thing again.

He admits it’s a lot of pressure and something he still needs to consider seriously. He does seem a bit relieved to find out that Alex has a stable enough relationship with her ex to share custody, which means if he picks Alex, they’ll have every weekend free.

Richie tells her he has one more surprise for her, dragging her over to a balcony where Allen freaking Stone is playing! I love Allen Stone! I wonder if this filming coincided with his tour around Easter when he played at the Bluesfest I went to. I swear I’ve never heard of any of the music acts that go on any of the Bachelor shows, except for that one time Train was on the US one – so I was pretty pumped to see someone like Allen Stone playing on ours.

OK, enough fan girl nerdiness from me. But at least I’m not the only excited one. Alex is pretty stoked too.

‘No one has ever done anything like this for me,’ she gushes while laugh-crying.

Well, honey, now a reality TV production team has.

They slow dance… and then make out.

It’s a pretty intense kiss, so either they’re both awesome actors, or Alex is pretty much guaranteed to be in the final two.

I especially loved the smooth way Richie took Alex’s champagne glass to free up her hands. I tried to make a gif of it, but it was 35mb, so I gave up.

Alex and Richie stand around and laugh giddily. Richie gives her the rose and they both tell each other how wonderful they are.

*sigh*

And then it’s a jarring cut to the next morning and an obnoxious crying baby sound.

Noni tells us it’s the worst possible way to wake up. All the women head to the kitchen in varying states of enthusiasm / confusion.

Alex is the first one to arrive, which kind of makes sense, seeing as she’s the only one who has an actual child.

There are four dolls lying in baskets on the table, each with one of the group date girls’ names  on them. Ha. Nothing says love like looking after a fake baby for a whole day.

Nikki leaps into the kitchen, super excited. She scoops up her baby and starts rocking it. The other women are a lot less impressed. Megan doesn’t touch hers, claiming it’s sleeping. Sasha is pretty rough with hers, treating it more like a football than a baby. And yes, they aren’t actual human babies, but for all intents and purposes, it’s obvious that they are supposed to treat them as if they are.

Alex can’t stop laughing as she offers tips to all the women. Megan asks if she can put the baby on her head, when it’s clearly a newborn.

Meanwhile, we are made to wonder if Nikki has a secret child at home we don’t know about. She rocks the mum vibe more than Alex! Georgia doesn’t think Nikki realises her doll isn’t real.

Kiki then appears, decked out with her baby strapped to her chest while wearing full make-up, a mini-skirt and tall wedges. Even Keira is astute enough to realise that walking in heels while carrying a baby is not a smart move.

Noni looks horrified, and is glad she doesn’t have to participate on today’s date.

Think again, sister!

OAG and Richie arrive. Richie has his own fake baby strapped to his chest (which he’s already named Isabella) and decides that Noni needs to be part of this whole thing too. He disappears for a second and then wheels in a pram with two fake babies.

‘You get the twins!’ he says excitedly.

‘I would rather swim with crocodiles,’ she tells us. ‘This is the worst day of my life.’

Richie tells the women they’ll be taking their babies out with them while they have a picnic and play a round of mini-golf. Because, you know, parents always take their newborns out with them while they play sports.

Richie feels bad for springing the twins on Noni, so he tells her she can drive with him to their destination.

(And I’ve finally figured out that this year’s car sponsor is… Renault!)

Megan and Kiki drive together, leaving Sasha and Nikki in the other car.

Richie points out that one of their babies is crying, and suggests that Noni twist around and try to feed it with a bottle. So Noni un-straps the baby and pulls it into her lap in the front seat.

The look on Richie’s face was priceless.

richie

‘Pop the baby back in the thing! That’s illegal!’ he screeches.

Man, I love this show.

When they finally arrive, Richie says how much more respect his has for new parents.

It seems that the other women don’t have the same appreciation for parenthood, and commit travesties such as this:

baby

baby2

baby3

baby4

They then all sit down for their picnic. Richie offers everyone wine – and if they were doing this for real, most of the women would probably have to refuse on the grounds that they were breastfeeding.

Sasha tells us she would be a tough mum because that’s how they raise kids in Russia. She then does this because she wants to talk to Richie more:

sasha

OAG appears and tells the women that their babies are full of sensors, and an overall happiness rating has been calculated as a result. Naturally, Nikki’s baby is the happiest, which means she scores an evening alone with Richie. OAG pretends he’s going to babysit ‘the kids’ and everyone else goes home.

Richie takes Nikki back to his ‘Bach Pad’ and they sit out on the edge of the lake drinking wine. Richie says he had a good feeling about her for today’s date and was hoping she’d win the challenge. Ooh. What does that say about Megan? Or the other women?

They talk about their future plans for being parents, and Richie re-iterates that he’d like to have a strong relationship with his partner before having kids. He continues to compliment Nikki, which is something she is clearly not used to.

‘Can I kiss you now?’ she asks.

‘Yeah, if you want,’ he laughs.

They make out, and it is lovely.

Ah.

She gets a rose.

It’s time for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party and Alex tells us she’s going to get in early with her white rose usage tonight.

It’s at this point that I start to go off her a little. And as the night wears on, I’m even more confused.

Keira and Georgia decide to stir things up. They sit opposite Nikki and Alex and grill Nikki about her alone time with Richie.

‘What did you guys do?’

‘We went back to his bachelor pad…’

‘And?’ Keira asks.

‘And we had drinks…’

‘And?’ Keira prods further.

‘And then I asked if I could kiss him and he said yes. So we had a bit of a pash.’

This is Alex’s reaction:

alex

Alex then tells us how she didn’t realise they had kissed and that she didn’t want to hear about it. I feel like I should give her a little bit of slack because she’s a mum, so she’s obviously spending a lot of time away from her kid to be on the show, and she wants to know that she’s not wasting her time, but can she seriously not understand that other women are also going to be kissing Richie?

Nikki is horrified at the realisation she hurt Alex’s feelings, thinking she was just having a bit of a gossip with friends.

Keira warns her that she needs to be careful who she says stuff like that around. She then looks pointedly at Alex.

Alex is so traumatised, she now can’t decide if she wants to use the white rose.

Richie approaches her, but then Eliza swoops in so the girls can continue to debrief.

And in a moment of light relief, Eliza tells Richie that she loves he’s OK with her being a weirdo.

Only I’m not sure Richie agrees:

richie_eliza

Alex decides she is going to use her white rose after all, and Rachael gets cranky. Which is nothing new in both instances.

At the rose ceremony, Alex and Nikki are safe. There are ten other women and nine roses.

They go to:

  • Sasha
  • Kiki (Rachael is bizarrely excited by this news.)
  • Faith
  • Rachael
  • Georgia
  • Olena
  • Megan
  • Keira
  • Noni

Poor Eliza is sent home. So I suppose Richie wasn’t into her brand of zany after all. Don’t worry Eliza, you seem like a top chick. You’ll get your man soon.

Tomorrow’s date is a weird Olympic tie-in theme with some sort of novelty sports carnival and more of Alex feeling threatened by the other women.

See you then!

Posted in The Bachelor Australia.

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