The Bachelor Australia Season 4 Episode 8

Awkward yoga and the wonder of Mudgee

I don’t normally get to watch The Project before The Bachelor because I’m busy putting my kids to bed, but tonight I was able to catch an interview with Megan.

This is what I learned:

  1. Megan has never heard of the song ‘I Want To Know What Love Is’ by Foreigner.
  2. Dr Chris Brown is a huge fan of the show – and possibly of Megan.

We didn’t actually get much out of Megan herself, because Chris and Fitzy were fighting over whose theory of Megan’s feelings was correct – without asking her personally.

It’s a weird show, that one.

Tonight starts out with a preview showing Olena and Keira getting single dates. I honestly don’t know why they bother with the official reveal later in the show if they insist on doing that.

Keira and Rachael tell us that the newbies need to respect the superiority of the existing women.

I’m not sure what kind of message Keira was trying to send as she sang ‘welcome to the house of hell’ to Sarah and Khalia, but I’m sure it wasn’t a particularly positive one.

OAG arrives and explains that this week will include two single dates and one group date.

The first card contains the message ‘Up, up and away’. The women jokingly call out ‘hot air ballooning’, because that’s what they’ve predicted for every date so far if the clue has included an obscure reference to the sky.

And the recipient is… Olena!

This is her second date. Rachael tries to make her feel bad by pointing out how many times she’s been second, and how that might mean she ends up being second overall at the end.

Harsh, Rachael, harsh. And if you want to get nitpicky, she’s actually the first one to receive a second date.

Richie flies in from who knows where to meet Olena at an airfield. He has a flashback about his first date with her and recalls her being quite secretive.

Olena joins Richie on the jet. I have to admit, I’m a bit of a fan of the woman. She is absolutely gorgeous, and while she seems reserved, I don’t really blame her, considering the environment she’s in.

Richie tells Olena that he likes the high life, which includes private jets, good food and expensive wine. So they fly to… Mudgee?

Admittedly, the countryside is beautiful. They arrive at a place called The Zin House and sit down to eat some of Mudgee’s finest produce.

Olena says she’s happy to answer any questions Richie wants to throw at her.

‘Tell me about your past relationships,’ he says.

‘I don’t like talking about relationships,’ she laughs.

But this doesn’t put Richie off. He seems to like the chase.

‘I like Olena, and I think she likes me, but bloody hell, I’m working hard for it,’ he tells us.

Back at the mansion, Sarah has got her hands on a new date card.

Catch me if you can.

Alex, Steph, Rachael, Kiki, Sarah and Noni are invited on this date. (I must have missed some of the names, because Faith and Nikki somehow end up going too.)

Keira is stoked, because it means she might be on the second single date. But so could Khalia. Kiki unhelpfully points out this fact, and Keira gets all snappy.

‘I don’t want to speculate on that right now. It’s just unhelpful.’

Olena and Richie ride old-school bikes with baskets while wearing nerdy helmets. Richie tells us he feels like Harrison Ford looking for treasure in Raiders of the Lost Ark, because it’s that hard to get Olena to open up.

Olena tells us she has NEVER let her guard down before.

The producers think that maybe the sight of Richie bottle-feeding a baby goat might do the trick.

Nope.

Cool as a cucumber, that one.

Maybe a romantic picnic on the grass?

Uh… maybe?

Olena tells Richie she doesn’t want to be shut down. She has never had her heart broken, and it’s clear that she doesn’t want the first time to be on national TV.

After much prodding from Richie, she finally admits that he’s a great guy and someone she wants to end up with.

Richie says he’s been wanting to kiss her since the first time he saw her… and…

Wow! Olena basically eats his face. And then tells Richie he’s a good kisser. I think maybe they’re a match made in heaven. Both like to compliment their kissing partner’s technique after the act.

Richie tells us he feels like a schoolboy and has butterflies. Naturally he gives Olena a rose.

The next day, the group date women meet on a jetty. Richie and Osher sail up on a ferry to take them to… the Sydney Fish Markets. So romantic.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, we find out that Richie is making the women cook two of his favourite seafood dishes and is then going to judge the winner.

I’m not sure what I was more offended by – this or the date the other week to gauge the women’s maternal instincts.

Nikki freaks out because she doesn’t eat seafood, nor does she cook.

Well, she’ll have to today, because the winner (actually, winners because the girls will be working in pairs) will get to accompany Richie to a private dinner afterwards, cooked by a proper chef.

The women enter the fish market to collect their fish and crabs (oh God, I’m not even going to go there) and then head off to the City Seafood Cooking School.

Today, they will be learning to make pan-fried snapper and chilli crab. Richie keeps saying something like ‘who will make the ultimate fish dish?’ and all I could think of was the Dr Seuss book I had just read to my six year old, which has the line ‘if you wish to wish a wish, you may swish for fish with my Ish wish dish’. That’s how romantic this date was.

Noni and Rachael pair up, and are quickly cast as the villains. They hide eggs, steal lemons, and are generally mean to the other girls.

Then there is Faith and Alex, Sarah and Nikki, and Kiki and Steph.

Rachael has taken an intense dislike to Steph and wants her to lose.

The meals are cooked and Richie is ready to judge.

These are his comments:

  1. It’s tasty.
  2. It has lots of flavour.
  3. It’s cooked.
  4. Nice flavour.

So I guess we can assume that anyone could be the winner? Except for maybe the third dish, which happened to be poor Nikki and Steph.

But according to Richie, there was one clear winner – Team Noni and Rachael!

Noni says she deserves to win over the intruders.

At dinner, it’s an awkward affair. I started to wonder if there was going to be a twist and Richie would be told he’d have to send one of the women home. After their behaviour today, I don’t think I would have minded if either of them left.

Here are some snippets of the conversation from the dinner:

Rachael: This is really romantic. Noni, you have some catching up to do, because you haven’t even had a single date yet.

Noni: I’ve never been to a fish market.

Rachael: I worked in one. It was near “our” gym, wasn’t it, Richie?

Richie: Ha. “Our” gym.

Noni: I haven’t been to Perth yet.

Rachael: You should come visit “us” over there.

Noni: Look at those oysters, Richie.

Rachael: Why should he be looking at the oysters?

Noni: Because they’re an aphrodisiac.

Rachael: (eye roll) I knew you were going to say something like that.

Noni downs a fresh oyster (I’m assuming it wasn’t Kilpatrick because her reaction would not have been the same if it had been covered in bacon) and starts gagging. She ends up spitting it into a serviette and dumping it on the table a few inches away from Richie’s plate.

Richie looks weirded out by the whole incident and asks Noni if she’s ready for a relationship, seeing as she’s one of  the youngest women in the house. Noni tries to say she is, but doesn’t sound very convincing. Especially as her level of maturity was displayed when she just spent five minutes gargling a raw oyster.

To be honest, I felt kind of sorry for Richie and I thought he might send both of them home.

But instead, it’s the next day and Faith has another date card to read out. It was all a bit jarring.

Let’s heighten our senses – be ready in 15 minutes

And the recipient is… Keira!

Richie drives up to the mansion in a Mercedes convertible. Keira excitedly jumps in beside him and they zoom off. The women don’t think Richie could be serious about her.

The date starts off well enough. They head through a foresty area and stop at a retreat, where a woman is doing yoga, literally on the side of the road.

Keira is in her element. She’s been practising yoga for TWO WHOLE YEARS. Richie doesn’t have much experience himself, and tries to be a good student. But he can’t really see or hear what the instructor is saying, because Keira has decided that she’s a better teacher and needs to intervene. She orders Richie around and manipulates his body into different positions, all the while telling him he’s doing everything wrong.

I kind of wondered if he was thinking ahead to the fantasy suite dates (although, do they even have them on the Aussie show?) and how this might translate to the bedroom. (Oops, did I just go there? I think I did!)

Keira thinks everything is going awesomely and tells the camera she can’t wait to return to the mansion with a rose.

They have a drink afterwards. Richie does his cutting-open-a-coconut trick for her, and it seems that Keira shares my opinion on its appeal. I cannot believe Keira and I actually agree on something. *shudder*

Richie tells her that he’s unsure of some of Keira’s sides.

Keira is surprisingly cool about it all and says she just wanted to ride it out a little, but she understands where he’s coming from.

‘I’m intuitive, so I knew what was happening,’ she tells us as she gets into the exit limo, conveniently forgetting her earlier comment about receiving a rose. ‘I knew I was too good for that whole situation.’

She follows that up with ‘I don’t give a f*** about those bitches at the mansion. If I was Richie, I wouldn’t date half those girls.’

Classy to the end, that Keira.

It’s time for the cocktail party and everyone is wondering where Richie and Keira are.

OAG shows up and reveals Keira went home. Cue ten open mouths. At one point I thought I saw Nikki trying to hide a smile, but I’m not sure. Afterwards, she tells us that she didn’t see it coming, so maybe I was imagining things.

But do you know who was happy? Rachael. The less competition for her, the better.

The white rose is out again and Alex is pretty sure she’s going to use it. But then Richie whisks Nikki away… and not to the garden, but inside to the hallway! Alex freaks out. Apparently going inside with Richie during a cocktail party is exclusively her thing. She tries not to cry, but the other girls force her to admit she’s unhappy.

Richie tells Nikki how his feelings keep getting stronger for her. I love Nikki, but I was so distracted by her dress! How could Richie not be looking for her nipples in that thing?

nikki

They can barely keep their hands off each other and launch into an epic make-out session. Woo!

Back outside, Rachael tells Nikki she’s lucky she’s not wearing red lipstick tonight. Nikki denies kissing Richie, but I think mainly because Alex was listening nearby.

It’s time for the ceremony! Olena is safe.

And… so apparently is everyone else. OAG informs us that because Richie sent Keira home, they’ve basically used up their elimination quota for the week.

Rachael sums up everyone’s feelings. ‘Well, that was pointless.’

Next week is the Bachelor compatibility test, which looks like it involves lots of touching a blindfolded Richie while the other women watch remotely. Ugh.

Thanks for reading!

Posted in The Bachelor Australia.