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Super yachts and birthday parties

QLD politicans: I have a perfectly justifiable reason for us adopting daylight savings – we can’t participate on social media for the last three weeks of The Bachelorette.

Admittedly, it does free up my ad breaks so I can start writing my blog early, but that’s not the point. Actually, I remember a similar issue happening back when I watched Australian Idol, which interestingly is another Osher hosted show. The voting would get all messed up and you couldn’t go online until after the finale aired for fear of finding out who won.

The boys are drinking their morning coffee in a very masculine looking room. I swear I didn’t see that brown palm tree wallpaper and wood panelling on The Bachelor. Did they re-furnish in between seasons?

Today, the speculation is whether Tony or Davey should land the single date.

Osher shows up with the invite and tells the guys how their time with Sam can either strengthen or weaken their position.

Which is no more obvious than right now. Alex reads out the card: I like my martinis shaken not stirred.

Alex warns that there are two names on the invite. Sasha is the most shocked of everyone by this development. Can I just say that I want him to stay at least for the next couple of weeks? I LOVE his colour commentary on a dating show that sounds like a football player breaking down a game post-match.

It turns out that both Tony and Davey are getting the next best thing to a single date – a two-on-one.

Sasha tells us that it will be interesting to see whether Tony can show Sam his fun-loving side, and whether Davey can show his serious side.

To illustrate just how opposite these two men are, Davey dresses in a white shirt and black jacket, while Tony wears a black shirt and white jacket.

They wish each other luck and calculate that they have a 50% chance of going home tonight (because we’re all about stating the obvious here).

Alex thinks Tony will excel in the evening’s situation. Davey is stoked for his upcoming man-on-man battle (whatever that means).

They jump in an inflatable speed boat and cruise over to a waiting super yacht.

Sam refers to the boat as ‘our super yacht’ – and I want to know who ‘our’ is. She then reiterates Sasha’s statement about needing to see the serious side of Davey and the funny side of Tony.

They head inside and play a rousing game of roulette. Sam sets the stakes so that if red comes up, Davey gets some one-on-one time. If it’s black, Tony gets the time instead.

When it lands on black, Sam is stoked. ‘I love it!’ she squeals.

‘I’ll just stay here and talk to myself,’ Davey says, dejected.

Sam and Tony go up to the top deck and look out at the water. Tony tells Sam that he’s a serious guy, but he’s there for the right reasons.

‘I can’t just switch funny Tony on,’ he explains. ‘But I think my strengths lie in my maturity. I’m a bit picky, but I’m giving and affectionate.’ He then tries to show Sam what he means by leaning in for a slightly awkward hug.

Just then, Davey appears. Tony is NOT impressed.

‘You would have had your one-on-one time soon,’ he says. ‘You didn’t need to interrupt.’

Davey shrugs it off. Sam doesn’t know how to react but ends up caving and letting Davey take her away. I wonder if this was a sign of her feelings towards Tony.

Davey switches on the charm and tries to convince Sam that he does have a serious side. Sam is still concerned, because apparently nearly every other guy she’s dated has been like Davey.

He tells her that one reason he wanted to come on the show was because he liked how Sam was so family oriented. He tells her he’s put up emotional walls in the past because he’s been scared – blah blah blah. I don’t know if it was just me, but it kind of seemed like he was just trying to say everything she wanted to hear. I think she thought the same because she seemed relieved when Tony came back, bringing cocktails.

‘Is it awkward?’ Tony asks.

‘Nah,’ Davey assures him. But then he tells Sam that he’d like to take her Luna Park on a date and Tony then makes it awkward by asking if he can tag along there too.

‘Yeah, you can hold the bags,’ Davey laughs.

Ouch.

Back at the mansion, Michael has found the next invite. I’m not sure where he located it, but judging by the long sleeved rashie he was wearing, I’m guessing the bottom of the harbour?

The invite reads: Falling in love is child’s play.

All six guys present are invited and they start talking about how they will have to harness their childish side for this event.

Meanwhile on the boat, Sam has decided to ask the guys a few questions.

‘When are you at your happiest?’

Davey says it’s when he’s in love *vomit*. Sam’s reponse? ‘Yep.’

Tony then steals Davey’s answer but makes a bit of a mess of his version.

He fumbles even more when Sam asks if he believes in soulmates. Davey cuts in and says he believes soulmates are the people you feel most comfortable with *double vomit*.

Sam decides she needs a bit more time with Tony so she drags him back downstairs. Oh, but it turns out she just wants to send him home without Davey watching. Tony is really cool about it, although he is a bit down that Sam prefers Davey to him, especially if she’s serious about finding a husband.

Sam goes back upstairs and gives a gloating Davey the rose. He then asks for a kiss on the cheek but turns his mouth at the last second so he lands a mouth kiss. Ooh!

The next day, the group date guys gather in someone’s backyard where there are streamers, balloons, a jumping castle and a bunch of other party related paraphernalia waiting.

Osher and Sam announce that the guys will be hosting a kids’ party for a little girl called Tahlia and her thirty friends (because I know I would be happy for my children to be entertained by a bunch of strange men on a dating show).

Sam tells us she wants to see how well the guys interact with children. The guys all get into the idea, except for Dave. He has nieces and nephews, but just bribes them with chocolate whenever he wants them to do something. But apparently asking other peoples’ children to do stuff if you give them chocolate is a no-no.

Sam makes everything into a competition as usual and tells the guys that whoever impresses her the most will get an attempted home-cooked dinner back at the Bachelorette pad.

Osher suggests the guys go and grab a dress-up costume and then set up a game or station of some sort. Sasha fancies himself as an artist (as witnessed by the picture he drew for Sam the other week) so he mans the arts and crafts table.

Richie dresses up as a mariachi and invents something that I think he called eggy bubbles, which seemed to involve running around like crazy.

Alex sets up a ‘face painting emporium’, and Kayne organises a pie throw, where he basically just has to sit in a chair and let kids hurl food at his face.

Poor Dave gets an activity called Shark Island that no one wants to play.

Richie and Sasha seem to be the most popular, with hordes of kids crowding around them. Michael notices that his efforts aren’t getting far (I’m not sure we even saw what he did) so he drags a handful of kids and Sam away for an impromptu fairy tale story, complete with interactive art display.

His story talks about a princess called Sam and fourteen princes vying for her hand. But Osher the friendly dragon has been capturing the princes and putting them in his cave.

Of course Michael is the final prince standing, and Sam LOVES it. So much so that she awards him the title of ‘most impressive.’

Poor Dave almost walks out, wondering if he’s even going to get through the next cocktail party.

Back at the Bachelorette pad, Sam and Michael hang out in the kitchen while Sam tried to make ham, cheese and tomato toasties. She is worried that Michael expects her to be a gourmet chef because he has five-star taste, but he doesn’t seem to mind about the toasties, even when Sam burns them.

They relocate to the couch with a bottle of red wine, and it’s only then that I notice Michael’s very Euro outfit of three quarter length jeans, tight white button up shirt and long grey coat. Only Michael could pull off something like that.

Michael tells her how much he enjoyed the day, despite it not being his first choice for an outing. Sam says she has a present for him, which happens to be her own set of fun fact cards for Michael.

These include such things as being afraid to smile when she was younger due to bad teeth, eating Thai food and drinking red wine in front of the TV on her ideal date, and not being scared of much except getting her heart broken again.

Michael assures her that all the guys left (including himself) are all genuine guys and want to get to know her better.

The last card has two x’s on it with the message ‘you can kiss me whenever you like’.

‘That would be a breach of the kiss voucher,’ he says playfully.

‘What? You mean this old thing?’ she asks, pulling it out of her pocket.

‘What am I waiting for then?’ he asks, swooping in for the sweetes kiss EVER!

Sam then goes to retrieve ‘dessert’ which happens to be a rose. She then asks if she can recycle her kiss voucher.

Michael sighs. ‘OK.’

They make out again.

Best mini-date this season!

The guys have already started the cocktail party before Michael even gets home. Richie is talking about how hard it was to talk to Sam during the kids’ party because the children kept interrupting. And my first thought was ‘well, that’s exactly what it will be like when you have your own!’

Dave is not at all confident. He’s even less so when he sees Michael return with the rose, because it means there are only five guys without them.

Michael admits to a kiss, but won’t elaborate. Richie has decided Michael is now the top contender.

Michael goes off to get dressed. Sam arrives, wearing a pretty chartreuse coloured gown, and asks to talk to Dave first. Of course Dave then knocks a glass of wine over, smashing it all over the floor. The other guys see Dave struggling and tell him not to worry. They’ll clean up the mess.

Aw…

Dave apologises for not being ‘on’ during the kids’ party. He tells Sam that he’s fine with a couple of kids at a time, but not when it’s thirty strangers (which is a fair call, I think). Sam assures him that she’s not going to judge him based on one afternoon.

And then we get to a portion of the episode where they must have needed to fill in a few minutes, because we see a flashback of Alex in the butterfly case with Sam last week, and then a flashback of Sasha and Sam’s kiss. I got distracted by Sasha’s blue velvet jacket for tonight’s cocktail party, and I was still buzzing from Sam’s kiss with Michael, so I kind of tuned out.

We then get a flashback of all Kayne’s craziness, including his mangled headstand, his rap and his arrival gift of Frosty Fruits.

It’s at that point that I think either Kayne or Richie must be going home.

Tonight’s rose ceremony is fairly short. Davey and Michael have their roses, so there’s four more for the remaining five.

Osher arrives, dressed in something that looks like a private boys’ school uniform.

He kisses Sam to wish her luck and then leaves again, slow-mo style.

Roses go to:

  • Sasha
  • Dave
  • Alex

AND

  • Richie

Kayne is sent packing, but he tells us he had a great time.

Next episode, Richie and Sam rip off a date from the US Bachelorette and get made up to look like eighty year olds. There is also some sort of fairground date, where Sam has a chat with Davey about his larrikin ways, which possibly sees him sent home.

See you tomorrow!

Posted in The Bachelorette Australia.