I have to admit, I was kind of looking forward to tonight so we could get the admission out of the way and see where the chips fell. I haven’t read any spoilers this season, but I got the feeling that Shawn would make it to the final three, and I was keen to see his reaction to the Nick news.
As has been the way this season, it was all a bit anti-climactic. The episode felt like 70% filler and 30% content – and even that’s being generous.
We begin with an extended recap of where we’ve been and what we have to look forward to. There’s an interesting snippet of Kaitlyn saying that her connection with Nick isn’t just physical, it’s spiritual too. This makes it look more and more like he’s going to be the final one. If Shawn could reign in his insecurities, then he might sneak through, but I’m not sure I see it.
We are led to believe that Kaitlyn sits all the remaining guys down and drops the news she slept with Nick in a big group setting. But of course it doesn’t go down that way, and I wish the producers would stop leading us on like that. There’s enough drama without having to further complicate matters, damn it!
Everyone is still at Killarney, and Kaitlyn begins her day by strolling around the grounds of a castle cursing the difficulty of her journey.
The guys are chatting at the hotel, and Jared says something like ‘it’s going to be hard to say goodbye to Kaitlyn no matter whether it’s this week or next week…’ which makes me wonder if he’s already realised he’s not going to make it to the end. And as we hear from Nick later, it sounds like everyone but Nick agrees it’s a forgone conclusion who the winner will be.
Ben H gets the first date card, and I instantly worry for him. At this stage it seems as though Kaitlyn is only choosing one-on-ones for the guys she’s not sure about. Shawn apparently agrees and tells Ben he should probably pack his bags. Harsh.
Kaitlyn meets up with Ben in front of a duck pond. It appears that ducks don’t qualify as birds, because she doesn’t seem at all bothered by the few only inches from her feet.
They hop in a rowboat packed with a picnic and sail over to Inisfallen Island and its ruins. They indulge in a little hide and seek (seriously, is this is a Bachelor tradition now? Making grown adults play schoolyard games?) and then sit down for a chat about what makes a good husband or wife.
I can’t take any of it seriously though, because Ben looks as if he’s wearing hot pink lipstick, which I belatedly notice is the same shade as Kaitlyn’s:
Kaitlyn says that she can be hard to deal with at times and needs someone who will put up with her. Ben thinks he’s up for the job.
They then relocate to a lodge where they sit in front of a fire and drink huge glasses of Irish coffee that leave foam moustaches on their upper lips.
Ben then decides it’s time for him to drop his ‘story’ which is the fact that he feels like he’s unlovable. Kaitlyn is amazed at his revelation, saying he’s totally lovable (although maybe not as much as Nick or Shawn).
He says he’s falling in love with her and she returns the sentiment. They then talk about the overnight dates, and Ben says he’s excited just to talk all night and not focus on the physical aspect.
‘Are you a virgin?’ Kaitlyn asks incredulously.
Hold that thought, because we cut to a break in order to build the suspense, and then go to a scene with Shawn getting all stressed out. His skin looks to be suffering too, with a massive pimple brewing on his forehead.
Joe, Shawn and Nick get invited on the group date – Let’s let our love run amok.
‘Getting dirty?’ Nick guesses in what I’m not sure is a double entendre. Odd chaotic music plays in the background as the tension builds in anticipation for a date featuring the two alpha males.
Back to Ben and Kaitlyn’s date:
‘No!’ Ben says, laughing. ‘I’m glad you think I’m so pure, though.’
Kaitlyn is visibly relieved and then asks him to tell her about how he lost his virginity. Jeez, this chick really is all about the sex!
The next day, Nick, Shawn and Joe meet Kaitlyn in the grounds of a mini castle that looks like something out of Atonement. ‘This is super romantic, just the four of us,’ one of the guys jokes.
They all have a fancy morning tea on the grass and Kaitlyn gives each guy some one-on-one time.
Shawn is up first and keen to get back on track after letting his and Kaitlyn’s relationship take a step back for ONE WHOLE WEEK (although to be fair, that is almost a year in Bachelor world). They talk about not having kissed after their last interaction and how weird it was for them. Kaitlyn appears to be gathering the courage to talk to Shawn about Nick, when the devil himself interrupts and pulls Kaitlyn aside for his own alone time with her.
They sit on a log and talk about their last date. Nick puts forward the argument that he sees Kaitlyn as just her and not the Bachelorette, so he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with what they did.
He then tells her he’s falling in love with her, but I had to rewind to hear it because he mumbled nervously through his hands. I’m still torn with Nick. He’s so smooth and all the guys hate him, but I can still see why Kaitlyn likes him. Agh! Why do I care so much?
Joe tells the camera that he wants ‘that quality time’ in the fantasy suite and then teases Shawn that he has lip gloss all over his mouth.
Joe goes off with Kaitlyn and is visibly nervous to be competing with Nick and Shawn, but knows he just has to be Joe and do his thing – i.e. kiss Kaitlyn a lot.
Kaitlyn asks Joe if he’s ready to be engaged, and he answers with a kiss. Naturally.
‘I could kiss you, and only you for the next sixty years and be the happiest man in the world,’ he says. I think my heart melted a little. He then gently kisses her on the forehead and tells her he’s in love with her.
‘Look Joe, I’m going to be brutally honest,’ Kaitlyn says after a heavy sigh. ‘I just don’t think we’re on the same page.’
Joe shuts down. ‘It’s been fun. No worries, man.’ He then curses and stares off into the distance until Kaitlyn leaves.
Meanwhile, Shawn is musing. ‘The other guy and I figured out Joe probably just got sent home.’
There’s still a rose left to hand out, but Kaitlyn doesn’t want to give it to either of the guys.
‘Nick, I’m happy with how things have gone with us today, so I’ll see you later. Shawn, I think we need to talk more.’
Shawn is excited. Nick, not so much. Don’t worry Nick. The evening is not going to be fun for anyone.
Shawn meets Kaitlyn at another lodge in front of another fireplace. And after way too much skirting around the issue, Kaitlyn finally breaks the Nick news to Shawn.
You can actually pinpoint the moment his heart breaks:
He doesn’t say much, and then excuses himself to go to the bathroom.
‘I am so tense, I can’t even p*ss,’ the microphone captures unnecessarily.
After a suitable amount of time has passed, he comes back and tells Kaitlyn she’s worth it. You can see he’s really starting to question the fact, but perseveres anyway.
Then it’s time for the rose ceremony and we hear the guys saying they’re all looking forward to talking to Kaitlyn at the cocktail party. Which means of course that there won’t be one. Chris Harrison tells everyone that Kaitlyn has made her mind up and they all needs to jump in the horse drawn carriage outside to go find out their fate.
Kaitlyn looks really pretty in a mirror-ball dress (I actually mean it) and tells everyone yet again how hard this journey has been.
The first rose is offered to Shawn, but he won’t accept it until he’s had another chat with Kaitlyn and tries to understand why she had to sleep with Nick, of all people. Kaitlyn explains that she is going to explore other relationships because she will never explore another one after this is over. Shawn reluctantly accepts this and accepts the rose.
Ben H surprisingly gets the next rose, although I have a feeling Kaitlyn just wanted to put off making Shawn madder before she gave the final one to… Nick.
Poor Jared handles his exit gracefully and I decide that this has actually been one of the nicer bunch of guys the show has seen.
And just when it feels like the episode should be over, we start what would normally be a new one. The guys all pack up and head to Cork, still in Ireland (I’m telling you, an international trip only featuring the US and Ireland isn’t much an international trip) and Nick is psyched about being first for the fantasy suite date.
He meets up with Kaitlyn, who compliments his new jumper – which looks exactly like one of this others minus the elbow patches – and he reveals he bought it here in Ireland. How funny that Ireland is like fashion heaven for Nick.
They check out the town’s cute matching houses, and Kaitlyn is surprised that Nick prefers the red ones, because she prefers the yellow ones.
She is then concerned that there might not be more to their relationship apart from the passion factor.
To confirm whether this is true, they head into a cathedral and Nick explains how the confessional works, because it turns out he was raised in a Catholic family. He admits that his first confession was about touching his privates when he was in the eighth grade. TMI dude!
Kaitlyn decides that due to this revelation, they now have a spiritual connection and not just a physical one.
They move onto a pub and Kaitlyn tells Nick about her first kiss, which coincidentally also occurred in the eighth grade.
A few ‘locals’ barge in to talk to the couple and practice their thickest accents, throwing around words like ‘craic’ – which means to have a good time. (Incidentally, we Aussies already know that thanks to the 90’s b-grade Australian comedy featuring Irish comedian Jimeoin.)
They talk about trust, which is apparently this season’s theme, while I count six empty glasses in front of Kaitlyn and Nick. Four of them look to be Kaitlyn’s.
Nick then rings a nearby bell to propose a toast to love.
Back at the hotel, Shawn is getting all riled up again about ‘the other guy’ – which I’m getting a bit sick of hearing. Except maybe he has a right to be upset, not even counting the whole sleeping with Kaitlyn thing, because he is about to get thrown under the bus.
Kaitlyn and Nick move onto a jail, where they sit on a conveniently provided couch. Nick jumps straight in, saying how frustrated he is by a ‘certain guy’ in the house. This guy apparently bragged he was ‘Eskimo brothers’ (I’d never heard of the term but quickly understood what he meant – ew) with a famous country singer because they slept with the same girl in the same night, but he got to go before the singer.
‘Ew,’ Kaitlyn says, echoing my thoughts. ‘I don’t know who you’re talking about…’
‘Does it matter?’ he asks.
‘Shawn,’ Nick quickly clarifies.
At that moment, the heavens open and rain starts pouring down. Thunder illustrates the gravity of the conversation.
‘I don’t get it. It seems like all the guys are fine with Shawn being the frontrunner,’ Nick continues.
Kaitlyn realises she can’t really comment on the whole Eskimo brothers thing without looking slightly hypocritical.
She decides to divert Nick’s attention by offering him the invite to the fantasy suite. He jumps at the chance and asks where the key is. Kaitlyn holds up a bunch of giant keys on a ring that look like a prop from Pirates of the Caribbean.
She can barely follow through with the prank she set up to make Nick believe they would be sleeping in one of the nearby jail cells. Nick doesn’t seem to care. ‘I’d do this wherever,’ he shrugs.
They then head off to the drier, and slightly more luxurious Fota Island Resort, where they go straight to the bedroom to make out.
The next morning, Nick sits shirtless in the living room, while Kaitlyn is beside him with bed hair and a white night gown. They eat breakfast together and talk about bacon before Nick heads off.
Kaitlyn tells the camera that they just ate chocolate, had a few drinks, and talked all night… I hope that’s true for Shawn’s sake.
The next thing we know, Shawn is calling Reception to find out which room Nick is in (because all reputable hotels just give out that info to randoms!) and then heads on over to have it out with him. They argue, and Shawn accuses Nick of not being there for the right reasons, yada yada yada…
I was actually expecting that, so I wasn’t screaming ‘WHAT?!’ at the TV or anything.
Next week’s preview looks ominous as usual, but I’m not getting my hopes up. I’m sure it will unfold with minimal real tension. There haven’t really been any genuine surprises this season, apart from bringing in Nick and Kaitlyn sleeping with him.
And just in case we hadn’t forgotten about them (I know I had), Britt and Brady are about to embark on a long distance relationship. I’m betting they’re setting it up to show they didn’t work out so that Britt can be announced as a ‘surprise’ contestant on Bachelor in Paradise.
Only a few weeks to go! I’ve never been so glad to see the end of a season arrive as I have with this one (although Juan Pablo is up there). Please put us out of our misery soon ABC!