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My Kitchen Bachelor

I think I’m going to be scraping the bottom of the barrel to find enough material to write about for this recap. Tonight’s episode was pleasant enough, but not much really happened.

We open with a bit of friendly sparring. Actual sparring. The guys are all in their workout gear, and wait! Are those Richie’s nipples poking through the fabric of his grey shirt? I’ve never seen this before and suddenly it’s happening two weeks in a row!

The most eloquent of the guys (Alex) is looking the most blokey in his chest-hair revealing tank top and trucker cap. I’m already feeling a bit strange.

Osher arrives to deliver the date news for the week. Everyone speculates that Michael is probably due for a proper one-on-one because he’s only had the end of a group date so far.

But no! The lucky invitee is Sasha. And then Osher tells them that the second date is a group one and all five are invited. The guys have to clarify whether that includes Sasha, and when they find out it does, they only grumble a tiny but. Come on guys! Get fired up! I have nothing to work with here!

The recurring messages of the episode appear to be that Alex feels like he’s falling behind, Michael is worried that he hasn’t had a single date, and Dave is moody. Repeat that a dozen times and we’re done.

The group date turns out to be a dinner cooked by the guys for Sam. It seems that since the producers can’t make the boys turn on each other, they’re going to try their hand at a cooking show instead.

Richie is apparently terrible in the kitchen, so he puts himself on canape duty. Dave offers to do entrees, Alex and Michael take the mains and Sasha does dessert.

They all agree that this week is important because of the hometown visits coming up next.

Richie gets started on his canapes, cutting pieces of chorizo into heart shapes and putting them on top of slices of haloumi. The other guys tease him that he isn’t really making much of an effort.

Alex and Michael bond over their individual neuroses regarding Sam.

Sasha makes up place cards, which are then shuffled so they can allocate seating in a fair way.

Richie seems to land the prime position directly opposite Sam. Dave and Alex have to sit on either side of her, which they feel is awkward for making eye contact.

They finish decorating the table with a massive floral arrangement (perhaps to disadvantage Richie?) and then await the lady of the hour.

Sam has gone all out. She looks kind of like an evil Disney stepmother in a high-necked embroidered gown, high bun and dramatic make-up. She greets all the guys one by one with kisses, which isn’t awkward at all. Then Richie appears with his canapes and everyone eats them, begrudgingly admitting that they aren’t too bad.

Sam asks who decorated the table, assuming it was Michael because he’s such a slick dresser. But she is pleasantly surprised when she discovers it was Sasha.

Dave brings out a prawn entrée. Sasha’s serve is loaded with garlic because Dave doesn’t want him to have too much fun on their single date tomorrow.

Next, Michael announces the first main, which he calls the fish of love, complete with rose petals. It was all fairly impressive, and I wonder if the show brought in some secret chefs to help out behind the scenes.

Lastly is dessert. Sasha has made chocolate and caramel brownies because naturally everyone loves brownies.

This season appears to be all about ‘fun facts’, so the guys all write down something about themselves and put it into a bowl. Then Sam reads one at random and tries to figure out who it’s about.

  1. I have no earlobes: well that one was easy to figure out just by looking. Alex tells us he only discovered this a couple of years ago and was a bit freaked out at the time.
  2. I smashed out my front teeth as a kid: apparently this one was Dave, although he managed to salvage the originals and get them put back in. Or maybe they were his baby teeth. It wasn’t completely clear.
  3. I love sleeping under the stars: ooh… upping the romance factor is Richie. Sam LOVES it.
  4. My biggest fear is not finding my soulmate: Michael pulls out the big guns! Dave thinks he was just copying Sam’s fear for brownie points (no pun intended). Either way, it works. She basically melts into a puddle of goo.

I can’t remember what Sasha said, but it was something nice too. Sam tells us that her expectations have changed since coming on the show. Initially, she was worried whether she would meet anyone who had the right intentions, but now she feels like she has some good quality guys to choose from.

The next day, Sasha heads off to his date in the sponsored Citroen. Sam is waiting by a slightly fancier vehicle – a restored ’58 Buick. She knows that Sasha once had a ’57 Buick so she wanted to show that she was paying attention.

Sasha is stoked. They drive to an art studio so they can paint a mural together. The finished product will be donated to the Stroke Foundation – a charity close to Sam’s heart.

They jump into some old clothes and Sasha embraces his artistic side to lead Sam in a concept for the mural. It ends up being a big splattery mess with a few love hearts and hand prints, but it was lovely to watch the pair bond. Sam talks about how her stepdad died of a stroke, and Sasha reveals that his grandad also died from one.

Sasha paints a moustache on Sam’s lip, and she decides to get him back by spreading half of it on his face when they make out. It was cute.

They then clean off a little and sit down for some chocolate fondue and wine. They chat about how Sasha didn’t expect to fall for Sam so easily and how he loves being around her.

Sam gives him the rose, which means she’s heading to his hometown. They kiss again.

To be honest, I like Sasha, but I’m liking Richie more at the moment. And then I’d choose Michael as a close second.

The cocktail party rolls around and Alex and Dave have decided that they’re both in the bottom two. They feel even less confident of their standing when Sasha comes back with his rose. Dave is particularly unimpressed.

He continues to whinge as the night goes on, pointing out that everyone’s fun facts at the dinner party weren’t really fun facts (I’m assuming he’s excluding Alex from this announcement).

Both Alex and Dave get a last minute chat with Sam. Alex does well. Dave just hopes he can get through this week so that Sam can see him in his natural environment back in Darwin.

Sasha is safe, so there are only three more roses to give out. Everyone gathers in the ceremony room. Osher does his usual speech, but I was distracted by his plaid suit that made him look like a used car salesman. Who is doing your fashion this season, Osh?

Sam hands out the roses:

  • Michael
  • Richie

AND

  • Alex

Sam walks Dave out. He tells her he wants to be happy. Aw… he’s such a sweetie.

And after only three and a half weeks, we’re already down to the final four!

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s recap, which will hopefully have a bit more substance.

See you then!

Posted in The Bachelorette Australia.