Seeing into the future

Well, this is a rather intellectual start to the show. Richie and Alex are playing a game of chess with a fancy glass set. They are wearing matching blue beanies and a couple of the other guys are cheering them on.

I’m sorry, but am I still watching something from the Bachelor franchise? Perhaps I accidentally switched over to the ABC or SBS?

Apparently not, because Osher arrives. He’s wearing a grey hoodie with fabric so thin that his nipples are visible through the fabric. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed that phenomenon on a guy before.

Richie admits that the house is fairly peaceful now that there are only six guys left.

Osher tells them that this next single date is a special opportunity for Sam to picture what lasting love looks like. Michael grabs the card and reads it out: Young at heart.

Everyone assumes that Davey will be the recipient, because he’s the youngest of all the guys at 25.

But no, it’s Richie! Michael admits that he’s a little bit jealous, which is the trend now for any guy who scored the previous single date.

Osher then drops a second card on the coffee table, telling everyone that it’s a group date. Way to ruin the suspense, Osh!

This card reads: All’s fair in love and war.

And because we’re down to the final six, everyone except Richie is invited on this one.

For some reason, they decide to run the group date first, so they send all the boys off in black Peugeots (I’m assuming they did a deal with a bunch of European car manufacturers this season?) to the circus.

Osher and Sam tell them that they’ll be participating in a carnival game knockout challenge for the usual one-on-one time with Sam. Osher is stealing all my attention today, because he’s swapped the hoodie for a knitted jumper with skulls all over it and red jeans (a la Ames from the US version).

Alex tells us that he is going to crawl over all the guys’ dead bodies to win this challenge. ‘Did I say that out loud?’ he laughs.

Davey is pumped because it means he gets to play the larrikin and not get in trouble. According to him, this situation is practically begging for it!

The first challenge is the old hammer and bell. How many of our guys are the ultimate Thunder God?

Apparently all except for Michael and Sasha. They both get a second turn, and this time Sasha rings the bell, but Michael doesn’t. That means he’s out. Poor guy.

Onto the next round!

This one is two-on-two tug-of-war. Sasha and Davey are against Alex and Dave. Davey is starting to get a bit out of control and Sam notices. ‘Davey is definitely a boy’s boy. I have seen his lovely side but it was very brief.’

Naturally, the blokey blokes win this round, so Alex and Dave have to go head to head on the laughing clowns to see who can join Sasha and Davey on the next round.

Alex tells us he’s been a bit afraid of clowns ever since watching IT, and it seems to translate to his inability to land a ball in a clown’s mouth.

Dave has more luck and scores a point on his first try.

Three boys left!

Dave, Davey and Sasha all have to play ‘Pass the Footy’.

Sam tells us she is now quite confused about Davey. And from the previews of the show, it looked as if he won the entire challenge so I was wondering how she’d react, having to sacrifice time with the guys she actually liked to spend time with someone she didn’t.

Sasha loses this round, leaving Davey and Dave to play the knock-down clowns.

Davey knocks one down on his fourth out of fifth try and misses the fifth. Dave knocks his third down, misses the fourth and then…. knocks down the fifth!

Sam gives him a relieved hug and drags him inside the circus tent where a couch has been set up with candles and food.

Dave talks about how much he regrets last week and his crap mood at the kids’ party. But then he redeems himself by telling Sam how awesome she is. He asks her what she’s looking for, and she gives a few bland examples such as a guy that is good to people and someone whose company she enjoys.

Dave tells us that he wanted to go in for a kiss but they were sitting too far apart. Instead he suggests they ‘hug it out’.

The next day, Richie leaves for his date looking quite the hottie in his white button up shirt and beige pants. He kind of reminds me of a cross between Dr Chris Brown and Adam Hills.

He greets Sam at her Bachelorette pad. Sam tells Richie that she’s a bit quirky, and she gets the feeling that he is too. He agrees.

She then reveals that they are about to be transformed into eighty-year-olds with the help of four hours’ worth of hair and makeup. Richie is into it, but you can tell he’s still slightly weirded out.

When he sees himself for the first time fully done up, his reaction is ‘Oh. My. God.’

He then sees Sam. ‘You look like the cutest nana,’ he laughs. And then to the camera: ‘If she looks like that at seventy-six, giddyup.’

‘Do you think you can still drive?’ she asks him. He confirms that yes, he can.

‘Today we are Richard and Samantha and we’re celebrating our fiftieth wedding anniversary.’

They then slip into crazy old people roles and drive over to the local bowls club. People stare, and I can’t figure out if it’s because they have a camera crew following them around or if they look a bit too weird to be natural.

A woman announces that today there will be a very special bingo session because of Richard and Samantha’s anniversary. The pair briefly kiss each other on the lips. It was kind of awkward. They then make lots of silly jokes… Sam is totally out of control. I think she might fancy herself as a bit of an actress on the side.

When she sneaks off to go to the bathroom, an elderly woman asks if she can sit in Sam’s vacated chair. She tells Richie that she’s younger than his wife, so he should be stoked. Sam comes back and stays in character, telling the woman to keep her hands off Richie.

They then dance, quite energetically for two people who are supposed to be in their late seventies. And then I’m guessing the jig is up when Richie breaks into some crazy breakdancing moves. Admittedly, he is quite impressive. I think he might fancy himself as a lead in the next Step Up movie.

Sam tells us that she’s loving Richie today and that she can definitely see a future with him.

Later that evening, they’ve taken off the makeup and sat down in a random lounge room with wine and popcorn. They talk about commitment and how they feel it might be possible to have a lasting relationship despite having divorced parents.

Sam says she wants to know more about Richie, so she’s arranged a mini video for them to watch featuring Richie’s mum and sister talking about how great Richie is. This is interspersed with baby photos and shots of Richie dressed like Batman (as a child, obviously).

At the end, Richie gives her a cheek kiss. Sam tells us that she does have feelings for him and that he’s the perfect man. She gives him the rose and then goes in for a proper kiss. It was pretty awesome.

At the cocktail party, the guys pretend to ignore Richie when he first arrives. After a few minutes, they crack up laughing and then give him hugs… maybe even kisses? Did I see that right? These dudes are close!

Richie then brings out a photo of him and Sam in full makeup and everyone finds it hilarious. Sasha seems intrigued and grabs it off Richie, staring at it for a good ten minutes.

They then try to find out the details of the date. Richie tells them about bingo and the pretend kiss.

Meanwhile, Sam is pacing around in the back room in the mansion. She tells us that today put things into perspective in terms of the kind of guy she wants in her future. She doesn’t want to waste any more time with someone she’s having doubts over.

Cue the rose ceremony music, but no rose ceremony. Interesting.

Sam enters the lounge room where the guys are all waiting and asks to see Davey alone. She then grills him about his silly side and tells him how he’s too much like the guys she’s dated in the past. He tries to defend himself, but you can tell that Sam has already kind of made up her mind. Davey seems to know this too.

‘I just cannot be fooled anymore,’ Sam tells him.

Cut to an ad break.

And because I can’t go on social media due to daylight savings, I decide to have a quick skim of the Brisbane Times website.

Damn it! Why is there already an article about Davey getting kicked off?

We return to the show and see Osher talking to the remaining guys.

‘Sam and Davey had a heartfelt chat, and Sam made the decision to send Davey home,’ he says. (He actually used a lot more words than that, but you get the gist.)

Oh. Weird. OK.

He then tells them that Davey has already left, and that Sam decided to go home too. So no rose ceremony. ‘I’m sure you’ve got a lot to talk about,’ he says gravely before leaving.

The guys don’t really have that much to talk about. Instead, they get into the scotch and say how they appreciate how Sam was kind enough to save Davey the embarrassment of a rose ceremony.

Next week, the show looks like it ventures into My Kitchen Rules territory where the guys have to cook for Sam. And it appears that Sasha gets another one-on-one.

It’s going to be a short and sweet season with hometowns next Thursday, but I have to say after already watching four other seasons from the Bachelor franchise this year, I’m kind of glad.

See you next week!

P.S. For anyone wanting to pretend they live like Usher (not Osher), learn more about Oscar II, the fancy yacht from last night, by clicking here! (And no, I wasn’t paid for this plug!)

Posted in The Bachelorette Australia.