The producers of our favourite show decided to remind us how much we love / hate the franchise by putting on an hour-long special recapping some of its craziest moments. Plus, we got to see a sneak peek of Des’ season!
This blooper special actually lowered my opinion of the show further than I thought possible. I can usually handle one or two moments of crazy if they’re spread out over a season, but when I see them all jam-packed into one episode, I kind of wonder why I’m so addicted to the show.
And you know what the strangest thing is? Tierra was the most normal contestant in all of this! Granted they didn’t air the moments where she talked about not being able to control her eyebrow or having ‘sparkle’, but I don’t think those comments even really compared to a lot of the stuff other people have said or done over the years.
We begin with the limo entries: Robyn trying to do a double backflip and failing, Ben’s Lindzi riding in on a horse, and Jef cruising in on a skateboard while holding onto the back of the limo Back to the Future style. We also saw Sean’s Lindsay in her wedding dress for the millionth time. But I still love this exchange:
Lindsay: ‘Who does this?’
Sean: ‘I don’t know. Apparently you.’
Lindsay: ‘I’ve got balls.’
Sean: ‘I hope not.’
We then move onto the messy drunken phase. I was surprised there weren’t more of these clips actually. I guess most really drunk people are boring to watch because they’re usually passed out or throwing up.
I was intrigued by the girl who drank champagne using her toes to hold the glass. And I felt for poor Trista having to pick from such a wild pack of frat boys when they showed them all getting hammered and pouring dog food all over each other. At least she ended up with Ryan (who I didn’t see in that footage – which is probably why she picked him).
Ed was featured – of course. We got to re-live the time when he went from cute and tipsy on Jillian’s season, to outright crazy alcoholic on Bachelor Pad. At least he was entertaining.
Next was the singing. Strangely absent was ‘he who must not be named’ and his song about love not coming easy. Maybe they didn’t want to pay him any more royalties.
We got to see Brad Womack and Ashley S butchering Kiss From a Rose, Erica doing an off-key opera, Stephanie (dressed and made-up like she got ready in the dark) singing something that was possibly trying to be Marilyn Monroe, and a girl who looked like Leelee Sobieski singing her feelings to the camera during one of her monologues.
And let’s not forget Kasey. It was cringe-worthy the first time, and just as bad the second. After one song, Ali just laughed awkwardly. Kasey’s reply? ‘Yeah, that’s pretty intense.’ And my favourite line was after he sang another spontaneous tune, while Ali looked like she wanted to crawl under the couch:
‘It’s just my heart. Jump in, stay a while.’
To paraphrase Lindsay – Who says that?
After that we had just awkward moments in general. Alex puking into a paper bag on his helicopter date with Trista. The foot fetish guy in Jillian’s season going on and on about what he wanted to do to her feet. The extremely uncomfortable blow-by-blow instructional conversation between Jamie and Ben when she wanted to make out with him. And Travis (who I think looks like Thomas Hayden Church – does anyone else think that?) being verbally attacked by a tiny woman who was talking about wanting to reproduce because her eggs were rotting or something.
I missed seasons 6 to 9 because I didn’t know they were still making the show, but Travis’ season looked awesome!
Oh, and let’s not forget that icky kiss between Jason and Shannon when she was all snotty from crying. You could see he was trying to make the least possible physical contact as she leaned in after blowing her nose. Sometimes girls freak me out with how clueless they are.
Ryan’s twelve qualities that he looks for in a wife was up after that. I think I heard the word ‘servant’ in there somewhere. And all the items were about pandering to the husband and kids. I feel sorry for Ryan’s future wife.
There was a moment I must have blocked from my mind where Erica was trying to seduce Blake on their Bachelor Pad date. I think I’ll erase it again right now.
And what would The Bachelor be if there wasn’t lots of crying? We saw Kacie B’s epic meltdown… then a girl who seemed like she was half laughing, half crying… followed by a girl with a cute drawn out squeaky howl… and of course ‘the Mesnick’.
(Wow, I just realised I wrote a lot of notes for this show. I think I’m going to have to cut back a bit when I cover the two hour episodes of the Bachelorette!)
One thing I’ve noticed – and I know a lot of people will agree with me, is that Chris Harrison doesn’t seem to have aged at all since the show started. In fact, he looks younger and better now than he did on Alex’s season.
We watched a few awkward hometown dates – the one where Ali was invited to check out Kirk’s dad’s taxidermy projects… Naomi’s mum wanting to bury a dead dove… and a funny grandma telling a bachelorette that she had to get the guy into bed.
There were pranks and actual bloopers with lots of sound equipment collapsing on people – and a tiny bird in the middle of the ocean that came at Ben like the Golden Snitch in Harry Potter.
I realised I quite liked a lot of the guys on Emily’s season, even though they had to wear kilts and ride donkeys during the Highland Games in Croatia (that’s right, Croatia is the little known cousin of Scotland).
Last up was a montage of ‘nudity’ complete with black modesty patches, and where we discovered that Courtney and Natalie G were two of the most prolific female nudists.
Then it was on to the preview of Des’ season.
I love how the music reminded me of a Lord of the Rings trailer. There were slow motion flashes of punch-ups, manly sports tournaments and other typical Bachelorette scenery. The guys looked much better in real life than in their photos. I call it the ‘George Clooney effect’ – where someone can look quite pleasant in a photo, but it isn’t until you see them animated that you get the full effect of their attractiveness and charisma.
The show ended with a forgotten gem from Brad’s season, where they showed him making a joke about some dude walking around naked in the background during a conversation with his family. The guy has a sense of humour! Where was it hiding during the entire two seasons he was the Bachelor?
Not long to go now! See you next week for my first official re-cap of the Bachelorette.