bachettes11e08

The Nick and Shawn Show

Jeez. This season really is a train wreck. I feel like the producers want to punish Kaitlyn for winning the Bachelorette title or something. I’m wondering if Britt is counting her blessings now.

Before we start, I want to apologise for the late post. I’ve been away for a few days and purposely didn’t take the computer. But better now than never. Even though I watched this episode with my two year old marching around the living room with a bucket on his head, going ‘la la la’ at the top of his lungs. But it was certainly more uplifting than what I was watching on TV.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

So we cut to where Shawn was on his way to see Kaitlyn last week. Kaitlyn thinks he knows about her sleeping with Nick, but Shawn is just cranky because he thought he was ‘the one’ before Kaitlyn gave Jared the rose. Imagine what he’ll be like when he does find out about Nick.

Kaitlyn nervously sits down with Shawn while he dances around why he’s there.

‘There are still nine guys,’ she reminds him. Except I thought there were only eight. I’m already confused.

‘Are you in love with me?’ he asks bluntly.

‘You can’t put me on the spot like that!’ she rebukes him. But then she concedes – ‘I’m falling in love with you.’

‘I’m having a very, very hard time here,’ he says. He kisses her and adds ‘I don’t know if I can do this.’

He then leaves without anything being resolved, and Kaitlyn worries that he chickened out of saying he knew about Nick. She then starts beating herself up about it again, saying she doesn’t regret the act, but she does regret that it might affect her other relationships.

We then see Shawn brooding on some outdoor steps while Nick and Tanner take a turn around the garden Jane Austen style while they talk about Shawn.

‘You know he refers to you as “the other guy”, don’t you?’ Tanner tells him.

‘Really? That’s amazing,’ Nick laughs.

Then it’s time for the two-on-one date with JJ and Joe, and I feel all weird. The flow is all out this season. It’s hard figuring out who already has roses and when everything’s supposed to be happening. I think the show has sabotaged itself by making people not care about anything but the Nick and Shawn fiasco.

Kaitlyn says that Joe is a real treat. Whatever that means. JJ reveals that he has to tell Kaitlyn about the biggest regret of his life, and today is the biggest day of his recent life. Intriguing. Except it’s not really, because no one really cares about the two-on-one date if it doesn’t involve Nick or Shawn.

The trio jump into a fishing boat and sail around some cliffs, only to climb out on a rocky outcrop on one of said cliffs. A picnic is waiting at the top on a flat grassy outlook at the edge of the world.

JJ decides to jump right in during a champagne toast to tell Kaitlyn he’s falling for her. In front of Joe. Which isn’t awkward at all.

Joe at least asks to take Kaitlyn down to the sand for some private time before he reveals he is also falling in love. He admits it’s been four or five years since he’s felt this way, and Kaitlyn responds a lot more favourably to this declaration than JJ’s a couple of minutes ago.

JJ then pulls Kaitlyn aside to tell her about his big secret.

‘I want to build this relationship on rock, not sand,’ he starts. ‘Three years ago, I cheated on my wife. And I lost everything. My wife… fifty percent of access to my daughter…’

Kaitlyn tells him she appreciates his honesty, but you can kind of see the cogs turning in her brain.

JJ is relieved and at peace. But then two seconds later, Kaitlyn sends him home. He is genuinely shocked, although I’m not really sure why. Admitting you cheated on someone you married is pretty hard for someone to get past. Especially if that means Kaitlyn would have to deal with a bitter ex-wife and shared custody arrangements.

Kaitlyn isn’t ready to hand over the rose to Joe yet though. She tells him she needs more time to get to know him.

So they head to a nearby castle for afternoon tea in a cosy sitting room. They don’t really talk about anything, but I think the producers just wanted to juxtapose how chilled out Joe is about everything compared to Shawn, who is starting on Round Two of his meltdown.

‘It’s so nice that you don’t need that constant reassurance,’ Kaitlyn purrs to Joe.

Cut to Shawn ready to turn into the Incredible Hulk.

Joe returns to the hotel with a rose, and Shawn immediately leaves the room. Apparently he has to go back and explain to Kaitlyn what he really meant to say the previous night.

Kaitlyn is in an interview and immediately starts freaking out when she hears he’s on his way. Again. She just knows that he’s going to summon the courage to tell her he heard about Nick.

Gah! Can we just get past this already?

But when Shawn reveals he’s just insecure because of the Jared rose and the fact that she told him he was ‘the one’, she almost melts into a puddle of relief.

It’s time for the pre rose ceremony cocktail party, which feels kind of weird, occurring about a third of the way into the episode. This season’s rules and conventions don’t apply, apparently.

Kaitlyn tells us that she regrets telling Shawn he was the one, and going too far with Nick. Which hasn’t been at all obvious this episode.

Tonight, Shawn stands out in a royal blue suit with stripy socks. I have mixed feelings about this.

Kaitlyn and Ben Z have a little chat, and then Kaitlyn and Ben H have a little chat. Ben H reveals that he knows Kaitlyn said something to Shawn that made him happy, which made Ben H sad. Kaitlyn finds herself on the defence again.

Then it’s time for Kaitlyn and Nick to talk – and he’s worried that her crazy mood is because of him. Well, really only 50% of it is.

Kaitlyn tells Nick that she doesn’t want him to tell the guys what happened, and he says he hasn’t and wouldn’t. ‘I haven’t said we were intimate…’ he says. Although, I do distinctly remember him saying that they were. Just not in a sexual way. I don’t know whether to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one.

He then gets upset and cries because he’s taking things so seriously, and Kaitlyn loves it.

Then it’s time for Shawn and Kaitlyn to talk AGAIN. Kaitlyn backtracks and says she regrets giving him too much reassurance and that they should take a step back. Shawn seems oddly calm about this.

Chris Harrison shows up to not really debrief with Kaitlyn before the ceremony. We hear for the millionth time that she doesn’t want the guys to know about what happened with Nick.

Joe, Nick and Jared already have roses. The remaining ones go to:

  • Ben H
  • Chris

And after about thirty seconds

  • Shawn

Poor Tanner and Ben Z get sent packing. Ben’s goodbye was particularly heartbreaking. I hope he finds a lovely lady soon.

The next day feels like it should be the start of a new episode. I readjust my mood dial to cautiously optimistic.

Shawn is happy he got a rose and still seems oddly OK to be taking a step back with Kaitlyn. All the guys hop on a bus for Killarney, while Kaitlyn chooses Jared to drive with her separately.

Shawn and Nick share a halfway polite exchange.

‘I don’t know how you can do this twice. I can barely get through it once,’ he tells Nick. Nick just shrugs, but smiles.

Kaitlyn proves that she’s no natural left-side of the road driver and hits the gutter several times. But at least she can drive a manual. Unlike Jared, who Kaitlyn attempts to teach without success.

They arrive at the Blarney Castle, with the famous Blarney Stone. It turns out that to reach the Blarney Stone, you need to lie precariously on a ledge on your back and reach out to kiss it upwards.

Apart from the ick factor of putting your lips on a rock millions of people have kissed (check this out: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1193477/Blarney-Stone-unhygienic-tourist-attraction-world.html), I’m sure there’s a health and safety issue regarding the ledge too.

Anyway, they both kiss it for luck and then quickly retreat.

I don’t know what it is, but Kaitlyn looks different today. Is it the orange foundation? Her cheeks look odd.

Kaitlyn checks into a haunted castle and drags Jared along. They drink champagne while lounging on her haunted bed.

The boys also check in, and robotically recite the lines they’ve been given so that the show can get a discount. ‘It’s very story-book-esque,’ says Nick.

Kaitlyn jinxes herself yet again by saying nothing can go wrong now. Pfft. Has she been asleep all season?

Chris Harrison arrives to mix things up even more. But first we have to hear how much Kaitlyn regrets both the Shawn and Nick incidents for the millionth time. Chris says that because she slept with Nick (which he addressed with an odd ‘we all screw up, and where do you go from there – it’s a sign of good character’) it’s probably best now that they send three guys home this week and hold off on the hometowns until there are only two guys left. That way Kaitlyn can “even out the playing field” (is that what they’re calling it these days?) by spending some off-camera time with the other guys before families get involved.

Kaitlyn is freaked out at first, but then decides she likes the idea. I also like the idea. Not quite for the same reasons, but I think it makes sense for only a couple of families to get involved. It was always weird to me that the bachelor or bachelorette had to talk about marrying four different people with their parents. And I like that they’re speeding things along. I don’t think my heart can take much more of this angst.

Chris then goes to break the news to the guys. It’s hard to tell how they felt, but I’m betting they were kind of relieved. I’m going to hazard a guess here, but I can’t imagine many guys having a tough decision swapping the hometown for the fantasy suite.

Cupcake Chris then gets the next one-on-one. He meets Kaitlyn outside, where they catch a helicopter back to the same cliffs from the two-on-one date, except this time Kaitlyn makes it sound like it’s a super special treat for them.

They have another picnic and Kaitlyn says she’s on the perfect date, with the perfect view…

‘And I’m with the perfect woman,’ Chris adds smoothly. They kiss and then make small talk before Kaitlyn suddenly has a meltdown and tells Chris he has to go home.

‘I see where this is going, but could you just tell me more? Because this might be our last chance,’ he asks.

Kaitlyn tells him how great he is and how she feels like she’s weird for not feeling it, but she has to say goodbye. She then walks off, crying her eyes out and abandoning Chris on the cliff top to go back to the helicopter.

Poor Chris is left to do an exit interview on the edge of the cliff, and at one point, looks dangerously close to throwing himself off.

chris

He cries pretty intensely as well and says something like ‘I think she’s wrong. I don’t think she knows what she wants, and I don’t think she’s ready yet for a lifetime of happiness.’

Ouch.

And then the episode is over. Except we see a preview for next week where Kaitlyn makes the stupid decision to tell one or more of the guys that she slept with Nick. I wish this season would give us more nice moments. Oh well. I suppose this is what we signed up for.

Let’s just hope everyone doesn’t end up alone and miserable at the end.

And on that happy note, I’ll see you next week!

Posted in The Bachelorette US.