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The one with the fantasy suites and hometowns…

There seem to be a few certainties in Bachelor World:

  1. If someone says ‘nothing can possibly go wrong’ then you know for sure that something will.
  2. If the preview shows out of control drama that can’t possibly be real, it probably isn’t.

I should be used to it by now. This week we saw a preview that depicted Kaitlyn getting so upset with Nick and Shawn hating each other that she had a meltdown and looked to send both of them home – which implied she would run off into the sunset with Ben.

But no… it was just your regular, run-of-the-mill fantasy suite / hometown episode.

Wait, what? How weird was it seeing two of the fantasy suite dates followed by a quick rose ceremony and then the hometowns five minutes later? I had emotional whiplash trying to readjust.

The episode opens at a place called Enniskillen and I wonder if they deliberately chose it because of its name. It really looks like Shawn is about to do some ‘killen’. (It sounded funnier in my head, I promise.)

We watch as Nick and Shawn continue their showdown, which fizzles out into nothing. Shawn continually talks over Nick, but at least Nick has the guts to mention the whole Eskimo brothers thing to Shawn’s face (Shawn says Nick is delusional, but doesn’t actually deny it). Nick doesn’t go so far as to say he passed on that juicy tidbit to Kailtyn – but lucky for us we’ll get to see the fallout from that later. Yay.

Kaitlyn heads off to Galway for her date with Ben. She is annoyed that Shawn and Nick’s bitching is taking away from her feelings for both of them. But I really think this was just a red herring to make us think that Ben actually stood a chance.

According to Kaitlyn, Ben is hot, charming, not a player, easy going and nice. I worry that there are too many safe words there.

They meet up to ride a couple of horses, and while Kaitlyn claims to be a country girl, she has never ridden a horse. Ben’s family has owned horses, except he hasn’t ridden much. He asks the horse to make him look cool, and then they head off into a field so they can feed some donkeys.

Lunch is a picnic near a castle that was designed by the same architect who did Buckingham Palace. Kaitlyn loves that Ben is a calming influence, but I get the feeling she doesn’t really want calming.

She then tells him they will be spending the evening inside the nearby castle. Ben says he doesn’t think he’s falling in love just because of the setting. Aw. I like Ben. I wonder if they’ll make him the next Bachelor.

After dark, Kaitlyn calls down from the turret of the castle and invites Ben in for dinner. They discuss the fact that he has only just turned 26, and she is almost 30. But apparently that doesn’t seem to bother either of them.

When Kaitlyn gives Ben the fantasy suite card, she asks him if he’s totally fine with staying overnight. Because it’s like, a big deal. It’s at that point I realise he’s probably going home after tomorrow, because she doesn’t seem to care enough to tell him about the fact that she’d already slept with Nick. Probably twice, considering he just had a fantasy suite date too.

Ben is a cutie. ‘This is going to be the best sleepover ever!’ he says enthusiastically.

Kaitlyn is hoping that tomorrow she will wake up in love and finally know who to choose.

Alas, when the sun comes up, it seems as though Ben has really only just caught up to her feelings for Nick and Shawn.

‘I don’t want all three to feel right!’ she moans in despair.

But there’s no time to think about that, because her date with Shawn is about to begin. Like literally an hour after Ben has left her room.

Today they will be playing golf, because apparently that’s a shared interest they have. In fact, a good golf swing is crucial to Shawn’s wife material checklist.

Kaitlyn makes Shawn dress up in a hot pink shirt and neon blue pants while she gets to wear the latest in golf fashion chic.

Shawn thinks that they need to place some sort of friendly wager.

‘How about if I win, I get whatever I want? And if you win, I get whatever I want?’ Kaitlyn laughs.

Shawn agrees. He just wants to show he’s a good sport and hopefully deflect any residual negativity concerning Nick.

They play, and Shawn looks set to win until he gets to the green and hits at least six balls into the water hazard.

His punishment? A game of Truth or Dare. Shawn picks a dare so has to streak around the golf course naked.

‘You’ll get your own black box,’ Kaitlyn cackles.

I must be a bit of a prude, because I didn’t feel like it was completely necessary for Shawn to get naked on national TV. Especially before they’d even gotten to the fantasy suite.

Then Shawn says the dreaded words: ‘things can only get better from here’.

Which means things are about to turn to shit.

Kaitlyn feels as if she has to bring up Nick’s reference to the Eskimo brothers incident, which sends Shawn over the edge. But Kaitlyn is worried he might be a player and not ready for marriage.

Because of this, the fantasy suite invite turns into a sombre affair. Kaitlyn thinks they need to use that time to talk further about Nick. I’m betting Shawn was stoked.

‘When I wake up in the morning, I will know a lot more,’ Kaitlyn assures us.

Except the next morning just seems weird. Shawn looks like he can’t wait to leave the room, apparently on a mission to yell at Nick again.

Nick is creepily lurking outside the building and asks for a verbal sparring re-match because he didn’t get a chance to talk last time. They go inside and Nick attempts to defend himself. But Shawn won’t let him. There’s more ranting about not being there for the right reasons, blah blah blah, and then Shawn kicks him out.

Afterwards, Nick tells the camera that he can’t imagine Kaitlyn keeping both of them until the end because she must be as sick of all the drama as they are. I have to admit, Nick is coming off looking like the better person right now.

We then cut to Chris Harrison having a chat with Kaitlyn, where she tells him she’s had a great week. Chris is taken aback. Has she not seen the footage? He decides to prod a bit further. ‘But what about Nick throwing Shawn under the bus and that whole jealousy thing?’

Kaitlyn agrees it’s annoying but likes all three for different reasons. Ben has everything on the checklist, which at that point makes it obvious he’s going home.

‘I just have to trust my heart and my gut,’ she says.

Which it turns out we get a pretty good view of in her red dress with the plunging neckline.

(I had a note I took while watching the show that just said ‘boobs’.)

Kaitlyn appears to be on the verge of hyperventilating. It’s unclear whether this is because she’s sending Ben home or because she knows the Nick and Shawn feud is about to escalate.

She runs off to another room to compose herself, and Chris Harrison tells Kaitlyn that she just needs to tell them what’s going on and how she’s feeling.

After a couple of minutes, our Bachelorette heads back out and gives the first rose to Nick. Shawn looks more upset than Ben does after he finds out he’s going home.

Shawn collects the second rose and Kaitlyn walks Ben out.

Ben is super sweet and graceful in his exit. I hope he finds another girlfriend straight away, or gets offered the next Bachelor spot.

‘I don’t want to be stuck in the middle with this hate between Shawn and Nick,’ Kaitlyn moans afterwards.

Well, I hate to say it, but you probably shouldn’t have slept with one of them and told the other one he was going to be the final guy standing.

Inside, the producers seem to be hoping that Nick and Shawn will get into a punch-up because they leave them in the same room alone with a glass of champagne for way longer than necessary.

To be honest, it was actually kind of boring to watch.

After a quick break, we’re in Utah where Kaitlyn is going to meet both Nick and Shawn’s parents. It’s Nick’s turn first.

Before they visit the fam, Nick sits with Kaitlyn on a ledge and tells her that with Andi, he felt like he’d have to take a leap of faith if she picked him, but he doesn’t feel that way with Kaitlyn. I have to say, apart from Nick dobbing Shawn in about the Eskimo brothers thing, he actually hasn’t been too bad this season. He’s a bit cocky, but I do feel like he does actually like Kaitlyn. For the right reasons.

He then tells her that he’s totally in love, more than he can say in words, and she loves it. They make out, and Nick’s new facial hair gives Kaitlyn a beard rash.

‘This is going to be a really good day,’ Kaitlyn says.

Uh-oh.

Cue a lounge-room full of Nick’s family (I’d forgotten that he has a LOT of brothers and sisters) all sitting quietly. Mum tears up, and then young Bella does too. Yeesh. This is going to be a barrel of laughs.

But of course by the time Nick and Kaitlyn arrive, they’ve pulled themselves together. The family perk up even more when they find out that Nick is one of the final two.

Kaitlyn has a chat to Nick’s older sister and brothers. Then of course it’s Bella’s turn.

‘What’s Vancouver like? Do you love Nick?’

Kaitlyn finds the sudden subject change hilarious and answers with some PG answer about liking him a lot. I hope her parents don’t let her watch the episodes where Kaitlyn talks about having sex with him. God, it just occurred to me how awkward that would be for everyone concerned when they watch it later.

Bella says she can see Kaitlyn as her sister in law before they re-join the party.

Nick tells his mum he’s 99% sure Kaitlyn loves him, and they both start crying.

Afterwards, Nick and Kaitlyn retreat to her hotel room for a make-out session. Nick tells Kaitlyn again that he loves her.

‘Promise?’ she whispers.

The next day, it’s Shawn’s turn. He makes sure everyone knows that if his family don’t like Kaitlyn, it’s a deal-breaker. He is surprised that Kaitlyn isn’t worried about talking to his sisters, but Kaitlyn explains she has six stepsisters, so she’s got this in the bag.

The afternoon is pleasant and uneventful. Everyone approves, and Shawn tells his dad that Kaitlyn told him he was the one ages ago.

For some reason, I feel like this is leading towards Kaitlyn picking Nick at the end. It doesn’t help that after Shawn tells her he’s completely in love that she bursts into overwhelmed tears.

But I guess we only have two weeks left to find out. Next week is the reunion show, which should be interesting. Wouldn’t it be cool if they combined this with the finale? But it’s all about the delayed gratification with The Bachelor(ette), isn’t it?

And then we have Bachelor in Paradise to look forward to. And I have a season of the Aussie Bachelor to recap (which means I won’t be recapping BIP). It’s all systems go in Bachelor World at the moment! I’ll see you next week!

Posted in The Bachelorette US.