Do you want to know how dedicated I am to this show? Last night I was cowering under a blanket with the heater up full, experiencing a case of the flu shakes – yet I still managed to write all the notes I needed for this recap.
Yes. I am aware that my priorities are a little messed up.
It looks like Girl Sam has moved into Boy Sam’s ‘bach pad’ (does that now make it the ‘bachette pad’?). She sits on the edge of the jetty in her new backyard, continuing to justify her reasons for coming back on the show. I don’t think anyone really cares. It’s all just entertainment to us.
The guys are nursing coffees and lounging around the mansion. They’ve all probably only had about three hours sleep, so they look surprisingly well rested.
Alex is rocking a cool cream and brown cardigan. Some of the other guys have headphones around their necks. I didn’t know you were allowed to take music into the mansion! This changes everything! (OK, no, it doesn’t really change much at all.)
Will’s hair is much flatter than last night, but he’s still wearing a wacky Hawaiian print shirt and a girly looking scarf.
David tells the guys he doesn’t want the first date because he wants Sam to have something to compare to (don’t worry buddy, I’m sure she’ll have plenty to compare you to by the end of the episode, and none of it favourable).
Osher arrives with the first invite. The lighting for the guys’ interviews is particularly flattering today because everyone has really smooth foreheads. Michael is looking especially pretty.
Richie reads out the card. It’s for Dave! Davey is happy for his new buddy, but is keen to get some time with Sam to rectify her opinion of him.
Dave goes off to get ready, and Richie even slaps his butt as he leaves the room. Can I just say how much I love this group of guys so far? One notable exception aside, this is the most awesome bunch of dudes I’ve seen in Bachelor history!
Dave tells us in his fantastic ocker accent that love is like when you lose your keys. Or something. It was cute.
He arrives at a helipad and Sam greets him wearing a pair of leather pants and a long jackety thing.
They jump into a waiting chopper and zoom off into the sky, Dave screeching the iconic Aussie ‘yeeew!’ as they go. He also says how pumped he is more than once.
Sam tells him that she’s booked out the entire SCG just for them (OK, are we again going to pretend that the star of the show does all the planning? Yes? Alright then. I just wanted to clear that up).
Sam is aware of how much a sports fan Dave is, so she’s arranged for Doug Bollinger to join them for an over of cricket.
Dave is excited. Probably even more so than being on a date with Sam.
He quickly gets ready in the changeroom. Sam helps him remove his shirt and is taken aback by the close proximity of her face to his chest. She blushes and steps back, shielding her eyes.
‘Do you have your box?’ she asks him. Because I know I always cover my discomfort by asking someone about their crotch area.
‘Yeah. Do you want to check it?’ he laughs.
That line only worked because Dave said it.
He puts on a Sydney Sixers vest and they head back outside.
Meanwhile at the mansion, Drew is talking about the fact that he would basically be screwed if he was invited on a date that involved bungy jumping or leaping from any height into a body of water.
So of course, the next invite is a group date featuring Drew’s name and the clue ‘Let’s Take A Leap Of Faith’. Richie, David, Tony, Kieran, Sasha, Kayne and Michael are also invited.
Davey is ‘spewing’. ‘I don’t know why she wouldn’t pick me,’ he tells us. I want to say something about the sleeveless denim jacket with the grey hood he’s wearing, but that would just be mean.
Back at the SCG, Dave puts on his helmet and gets bowled out on his first go. He manages to hit a couple after that, but it isn’t until Doug suggests that the prize for hitting a boundary be a kiss from Sam that he really ups his game.
And what do you know? He makes the boundary on the next bowl!
The pair engage in the quickest lip peck in history, but it was still cute.
In the evening, they meet back on the grass where production has set up a picnic under some flower arches.
They drink wine and Sam tells Dave how hard it’s been for her to open up again. Dave agrees that he too has trouble opening up. Sam settles into the crook of Dave’s arm while he strokes her back. This really does it for her.
She is even more excited when Dave says she ticks the imaginary 11th box in his checklist for the ideal partner. The first ten aren’t easy to fill, but the 11th one is nigh on impossible because it consists of the mysterious x-factor.
At the end of the evening, Dave confirms that Sam is ‘a bloody legend’. In Sam’s world, this is the highest form of compliment anyone can receive.
She then retrieves a rose and seems to have trouble juggling it with her glass of red wine before handing it over. They share another quick kiss and Sam admits to being a little bit smitten.
The guys are eagerly awaiting Dave’s return and wondering if he ‘got any action’. He reveals that they did exchange a couple of chaste kisses, but the highlight of the day by far was getting to play cricket with Doug Bollinger. The guys are stoked for their new roomie. Sasha especially, is quite jealous.
The next day, the group date guys gather at the edge of a cliff to meet up with Osher (who snuck in a haircut since yesterday). Sam arrives and awkwardly goes down the line giving everyone a quick hello kiss.
Sasha says Sam looks like a model. Aw.
Sam asks the guys if they’re willing to take the plunge without explaining what said plunge will actually entail. All answer with an uncertain yes.
‘See that 12m cliff over there?’ Osher asks, pointing to a tall rock ledge on the other side of the ravine. ‘You will be jumping off that into the river. And believe me, it looks a lot higher once you’re up there.’
Sasha starts hyperventilating. He’s not good with heights. Of course, this is a nightmare situation for Drew too. And apparently David as well.
But whoever impresses Sam the most will score some one-on-one time at the end.
Drew and Sasha pat each other comfortingly. They’re both pretty sure they won’t be getting that one-on-one time – yet they still put on their wetsuits and join the others at the rock ledge.
David tells us that he’s never worn a wetsuit in his life. So I take it with all that modelling, he’s never once had to do swimwear.
Sasha goes first. ‘Neck up, ya parrot,’ he berates himself. He is obviously stressing out, but takes a deep breath and hurls himself into the water. Sam is so proud that she almost falls into the water herself.
Michael is up next and jumps off yelling back ‘I love you, Sam!’.
Richie dedicates his jump to Sam and blows back a kiss. David gives Sam a hug and kiss before looking over the edge.
‘I’m just going to pretend you’re drowning,’ he tells her.
‘I’m sorry, what?’ Sam asks, taken aback.
‘So I can jump in and save you,’ he clarifies. ‘That’s the only reason I would do something like this.’
Sam is a bit relieved, but still slightly weirded out.
David jumps in and then tells us that it was indeed a genuine leap of faith for him.
Drew tells us that he’s not afraid of heights or water, but if you combine the two, forget it. Sam realises that he has an official phobia about this. She tells him he doesn’t have to go through with it, but he spends a good ten minutes trying to convince himself he can follow through.
In the end, they both get a bit teary because Sam doesn’t want to make him feel bad and she practically drags him away from the ledge.
Drew goes to join the other guys and tells them how amazing Sam is for being so understanding.
And even though he didn’t actually jump, Sam decides to give her one-on-one time to Drew.
In a refreshing change, Richie tells us that it was brave of Drew not to jump, and so he’s happy that he got picked.
Can I just say again how much I love the guys this season?
Sam and Drew sit in front of a campfire and Drew talks about his past struggles, being obsessed with money and not looking out for the people in his life. He then tells Sam how besotted he is, although it comes out sounding like ‘bezotted’. Tomayto, tomarto.
At the end, they hug and Drew tells us he didn’t expect to be swept off his feet. Aw.
Then it’s time for the longest cocktail party in history.
Michael thinks he’s safe purely based on the fact he jumped off a cliff for Sam. Richie contemplates what colour dress Sam will be wearing. He and the other guys decide on blue (a lesser person might point out the lack of masculinity on show here, but I love it!). Then Sam appears, wearing a gunmetal grey gown.
‘None of us picked that colour,’ he tells a bemused Sam.
Davey admits he doesn’t have a gameplan, but he needs to fix Sam’s impression of him, stat.
He asks Alex for permission to steal her away. ‘It’s fine with me, but you might want to ask Sam too,’ he suggests. Good point Alex! She’s not a possession to be passed around.
‘I am not a ladies man,’ Davey begins. ‘I have only had three serious relationships in eight years. And I really want to be a father sometime in the future.’
‘Maybe I misjudged Davey,’ Sam concedes afterwards.
‘So I’ll wait for that single date then?’ Davey jokes.
Michael pulls Sam away next and tries to explain that he’s not actually the iceman that people perceive him to be.
Sam tells him she actually finds him quite warm and humble.
Uh-oh. Trouble is a’brewing. David is trying to convince Kayne and Kieran that they need to cut in on the soccer player’s time with Sam.
‘No way, man. That would be breaking Bro Code.’ The guys walk off in disgust.
David sighs. Does he have to do all the meddling himself? Apparently so. He then forces himself into their conversation.
‘Can I join you guys?’
‘Sure,’ Michael replies. ‘I was just telling Sam about how hard it is to drop those emotional walls. Do you agree?’
‘Some of the guys have voiced their concerns about this guy,’ David says to Sam, ignoring Michael. ‘You know with him being an athlete, and with the tattoos…’
Sam looks bewildered. Michael takes it in his stride. ‘Can I just have two more minutes?’ he asks David. ‘And then I’ll bring her back in perfect condition.’
David skulks off and Sam immediately tells Michael how she is not making assumptions about him based on his career. I actually think David did him a favour by forcing Sam to defend him.
They rejoin the group. ‘Look, I’ve been returned in perfect conditions,’ Sam tells the guys. Okaaay…
David then presents Sam with a San Francisco cap because it contains her initials. As they walk off, Michael fills the guys in on David’s behaviour.
‘That’s Bro Code gone!’ they huff angrily.
‘He’s dead to me!’ another says.
‘Unless it’s a medical emergency, you don’t interrupt,’ yet another claims.
David tries to apologise to Sam but then continues with how intimidated everyone is by Michael. And by everyone, he really means himself.
‘We all know how you feel about guys with tattoos,’ he says. ‘I think you’re all about status.’
‘I don’t think it’s going very well for David,’ the other guys say, watching on.
‘I know exactly the kind of girl you are,’ David elaborates. ‘Someone who wants a good baby daddy… someone who dresses well…’
To her credit, Sam doesn’t physically assault David on the spot. But she does let rip with how nice Michael is, and HOW DARE David judge her.
‘This is not how I wanted this little chat to go,’ David says ruefully.
‘I liked your hat gesture,’ she says flatly.
‘Can I please pass you on to one of my colleagues?’ he finally sighs.
Sam can’t wait to get out of there.
‘First argument?’ he says, trying to make light of the situation.
‘I know, right?’ she replies, ditching the cap and high-tailing it out of there.
Phew. Well, I guess we all know who’s going home tonight.
Dave already has his rose, and because I’m a professional, I’ll list the order with which the rest of them were handed out.
David checks behind him to make sure he is, in fact, the last one without a rose. He doesn’t farewell the other guys and instead approaches Sam.
‘I am happy I didn’t receive a rose,’ he says. ‘I think you misinterpreted what I was saying. I think you judged too quickly. And I think you made a mountain out of a molehill.’
The guys can barely contain their distaste for David’s behaviour. The second he leaves, they all crowd around Sam and give her a group hug.
Bye David! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out! Jeez. Where did they find that guy?
At least the remaining ones all seem really sweet (I’m still reserving judgement on Davey).
Next week, Sasha gets a dance lesson date with Sam and it looks like they might share the first proper kiss of the season. Squee!
Thanks for reading! And despite me having the worst cold I’ve had in about five years, I’m still glad I decided to recap this show. But I do apologise if the translation was a bit fuzzy.
See you next week!